some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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