Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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