Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
