Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Buhtt sex?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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