Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
