final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
