I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
