sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i have two assholes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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