he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
