OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she smelled like a LAN party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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