No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
