i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
