Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
