This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
