I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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