Kiss
Puke
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
