is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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