everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
