I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
