I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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