you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
