carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
