I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
