No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
