The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
