she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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