you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
