piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
