Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She announced her abortion via fbk
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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