We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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