Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
