So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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