even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
