3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
