she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
