I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
