we're chasing vodka with high fives
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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