Your dad touched me again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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