Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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