do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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