You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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