I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize