Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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