I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
