I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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