low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
