No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
