shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to have your abortion
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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