So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
