glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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