I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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