so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
