I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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