he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
