Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
