I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
