I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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