don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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