Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
