3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
