Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
