i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
