I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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