The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
