You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
