only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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