I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
