It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize