Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
