remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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