dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
