with your own penis?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
