It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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